What If Santa Can't Afford Christmas?
by Mary Jo Rapini
Parents Ask — December 2011
Question: “I usually answer a question from a reader, but this month I decided to answer a question from my daughter instead. Happy holidays!” -Mary Jo
I had just turned off the evening news and was on my way to the kitchen to begin dinner when Lizzie ran up to me, grabbed my waist, and, with very serious eyes, looked up at me and asked, “Mommy, what if Santa can’t afford Christmas this year?”
Lizzie had been in earshot of the evening news and had been listening as the anchors discussed national and local financial woes, and she was concerned. I hesitated, not wanting to scare her, but also not wanting to lie to her. Her father and I had expressed concern about bills, the holidays, and taxes in her hearing, all of which may have also contributed to Lizzie’s question and concerns. I wasn’t sure what a 7-year-old should be told, but since I had always prided myself on being open with her, I decided to talk with Lizzie in an effort to answer her question.
You don’t have to be a news buff to be aware that times are tough right now. Protests are happening in every country, including our own, amidst news of banks making money but still charging a checking fee for customers and political fights between politicians whose rantings and ravings are dictated by the sources of their support dollars. On a more basic level, amidst this craziness, every household is trying to re-budget and pay back debt. Many of those households are full of children with wish lists longer than their parents’ credit card receipts. Parents with children like Lizzie will be more effective at teaching their children the meaning of the holidays and the importance of family love, as well as teaching them how to spend money responsibly, if they take these sorts of questions seriously. Lizzie asked a serious question in her seven-year-old mind, which deserved a serious answer. Here are five important tips that can be used again and again as the holidays grow closer to answer kids’ questions and reassure them (and you) that no matter how much or how little money you have, your family is what’s most important.
1. Santa has nothing to do with money. Santa is about feeling loved and cared for. The toy you love most, the one that will make you feel most loved, is the one Santa will try his best to get. It is important that, as a parent, you guide your child’s desire for gifts. If you know your child wants a $100 toy and you can only afford to spend $50, then suggest another toy that would make your child feel just as loved. Don’t do this in a critical manner, but in a loving, supportive manner. You can say something like, “I know you want that toy, but that is so much money for one toy. What other toy could you get that would make you feel just as loved?” If you do this in a loving tone of voice, you will teach compassion, understanding, and problem-solving.
2. Reassure your child that adults enjoy the holidays too, and that they are not going to let a year go by, no matter how poor they are, without celebrating. No matter who you are, you should make every effort to celebrate holidays with your child. No matter what holiday you celebrate, children learn from the ritual and the spiritual concepts that surround the holidays.
3. Make your friends and family the focus of the holidays. Look at “Wish Lists,” but also encourage your child to think of others. Children are very egocentric at young ages; that means it’s more important for parents not to be. Children who turn into generous, compassionate, and loving adults were nurtured by loving, compassionate, and generous parents. You don’t have to be wealthy to be generous, loving, and compassionate; in fact, many times, the two are negatively correlated.
4. Parents need to set a budget for gifts and stick to it. The best gifts of all are the ones that cost the least but speak the loudest of love and caring. Last year, a friend of mine bought me three pairs of running socks (I am a runner…I use these every single day). Inside the toe of each sock, she rolled up a slip of paper with a quote written on it. Each quote was something I had said to her over the course of the year that had meant a lot to her. Six quotes…so meaningful. It was my FAVORITE gift. The idea of giving gifts is to think of what the recipients would like, or to let them know how they’ve touched your life.
5. Let your child know—frequently—that economic crises can take away material wealth, but they can never take away their family. Santa may not have as much money, but that’s okay, because you have the best gift of all in one another. Children (and parents) who are reassured that their family is strong and loving can endure anything else.
To be honest, Lizzie, you may not get the biggest, most expensive toy ever, but the holidays this year will have more love than last year, because the bigger you get, the more loving you become, and the more grateful I am to be your parent. –Mary Jo Rapini
If you have a question for Mary Jo, email her at maryjo@houstonfamilymagazine.com, and you may see her answer in a future issue of Houston Family.
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