Who Benefits from Tots' Beauty Pageants?
by Mary Jo Rapini
Parents Ask — August 2011
Q: “There’s a new show on TV about beauty pageants for toddlers. Do people really do this and why?”
A: Beauty pageants for toddlers: who are they really for?
The show you are talking about is on TLC Network and is titled Toddlers and Tiaras. It covers girls ages four to eight who are participating in beauty pageants. Moms are pushing their daughters to drink Red Bull (so the daughters stay thin), use teeth whiteners (if the girls are old enough to have teeth), wear hairdos that take two hours to complete and cost upwards of $75, and, in some instances, use Botox (not sure where they put this, because I have yet to see a child with wrinkles). The outfits make these girls look like dancers in a bar or miniature grown-up women at a black tie event. It’s insane.
When the stage moms are asked why they compete in pageants with their young children, they usually look puzzled. Smiling, they tell the cameras that their daughters “love it.” The children in question may love parts of it, but from the smiles on their faces, the moms love it more. Interviewers question the children on the show as well, and some of the kids do seem to enjoy competing in the pageants; even those who say they love it, however, are many times caught with very sad looks on their faces when they aren’t aware that the camera is pointed at them. The daily beauty routine that these girls are expected to maintain would exhaust most women I know, including those who make a living in front of the camera. I cannot imagine how that kind of regimen could be good for any child, especially a child between the ages of four and eight.
Being a parent is very difficult. You have to make choices each day in the interest of your child’s self-esteem and development. There are pageants that teach leadership skills, as well as how to speak in front of others; these help develop confidence. If the child is enrolled in these types of pageants at an appropriate age, I can understand how the experience could be beneficial. Competing for beauty, poise, and charm, on the other hand, just seems like an oxymoron. How do we compete for beauty if all beauty is inside of us? We tell our children every day that it isn’t how someone looks, but rather how they act that determines their beauty. How can a parent justify spending $10,000 to $100,000 each year on beauty competitions for six-year-olds if this is true?
The overzealous moms in these beauty pageants get really enraged if they feel their children aren’t doing their best to look beautiful. This is perhaps the most damaging part for the children’s self-esteem. I have no idea how Mom is going to rationalize the awkward stage her daughter will have to go through during puberty. Maybe she believes she can prevent it with Botox, breast augmentations, and dietary substances, but even if she can, no amount of cosmetic treatments will repair the fragile self-esteem inside. Her daughter will have already been tainted by her mom’s excessive need for physical perfection. When you feel like you need to be perfect, you are more prone to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other forms of self-abuse.
Wanting your child to be successful in all areas is what most parents strive for. I do have suggestions for ways to help your child become successful:
1. Be loving and supportive of your child’s other parent. Make your marriage a priority.
2. Make sure you demonstrate that you value education by taking classes yourself and/or modeling educated behavior for your child.
3. Treat people with respect and dignity in front of your child. Never let your child hear you degrade or curse out someone that you feel is inferior to you.
4. Develop a healthy lifestyle for yourself. If you let yourself go, your children will most likely do what you do.
5. If you want beauty for your child, work on becoming beautiful yourself. Your children follow what you do until the age of 12 years. At that time, they separate from you by beginning to focus on friendships. After 18, they somehow begin turning back around and tend to become what you were like when you didn’t think they were looking. Don’t force your beauty hang-ups on your children; if you always wanted to be the winner of a pageant, your child may win, but the cost will be high for you.
Our children express the essences of their parents. Parents aren’t perfect, so demanding perfection from a child—whether in a beauty contest, sporting event, or another type of competition—may win the child a trophy, but numb his or her soul. –Mary Jo Rapini
If you have a question for Mary Jo, email her at maryjo@houstonfamilymagazine.com, and you may see her answer in a future issue of Houston Family.
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