By Pam Molnar
I can’t believe another year has gone by. Is it just me or are the years passing faster? I think I have been a pretty good mom this year. I have driven my kids to every social event, practice and friend’s house. My wallet has been an endless fountain of money for movies, frozen yogurt and senseless mall trips. I have clocked countless hours at soccer fields, basketball courts, softball diamonds and music auditoriums. With a little help from our friend, Google, I continue to help with homework in subjects I have long forgotten. Sure, I might have lost it a few times, but I live with teenagers, Santa. They are God’s version of the Elf on the Shelf – sent down to keep us in check, but if left without supervision, they get into mischief.
I know you are busy, so I will be brief.
To start, I need a few things for the bathroom – a sink that repels toothpaste, a splash free mirror and a never ending roll of toilet paper. Changing the roll is just too complicated for my family.
I’d like a copy of “The Busy Mom’s Exercise-Free Weight Loss Plan”. I heard it is hard to find, but hey, you are Santa. As a backup, I would be happy with a copy of “The Wine Diet” instead. Unlike other programs, I think I could really stick to this one.
Remember those electric bug zappers from years ago? If they make one for dog hair, I will take two! The dogs are older now so I can no longer claim the pile of hair is a litter of newborn puppies.
If you have a time machine in storage at the North Pole, I would love the ability to send a letter to my younger self. I could save her hours of unnecessary worry about career choices, raising children and neighborhood drama. I think that is what caused these “blond” highlights I keep finding in my hair.
If it isn’t too much trouble, I would like to have a whole week free of arguments about who rides in the front seat, who drank the last Gatorade and whose turn it is to do the dishes. This is the season of miracles, right?
Lastly, I would be thrilled to serve a meal that no one complains about. I’ve given up asking for a meal that everyone eats together before 9:00pm. Our crazy schedule is something even Santa can’t fix.
Well Santa, I can hear my daughter beeping the car horn in the driveway. I have to start round two of my carpool. Travel safe. I’m sorry if the cookies are gone when you get here. The dogs eat anything left on the coffee table. Since I made them, it’s probably better that the dogs ate them anyway.
P.S. All I really want is to see the magic of Christmas morning in my teenagers’ eyes.
Pam Molnar is a freelance writer and the mother of three teens. This is the actual letter she sent to Santa this year.