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How to Support a Friend after a Miscarriage

5 Things You Can Do To Show You Care
By Meagan Ruffing
 
Being pregnant can be one of the most exciting times in a woman’s life. Tiny baby clothes and soft swaddle blankets give us this feeling of adornment and anticipation. You may have even considered a name for your baby and thought about the hopes and dreams that she would one day achieve. But then it happened. You miscarried. Your friend miscarried. Now what? When a friend of mine miscarried, I found myself not knowing what to do next. I searched the Internet for tips and suggestions on what to say and what to do but found nothing so I came up with my own. Here are 5 things that I have done for friends who have lost a baby.
 
1. Call
 
Simply pick up the phone and call your friend. Sometimes people just need to know you care. Even if you don’t know what to say, it’s okay. Just listen.
 
2. Send a card
 
Don’t send a sympathy card. That’s just weird. Send a blank card so you can write your own message or go to the ‘Thinking of You’ section in the card aisle. Keep your note short. 
 
3. Make a meal
 
Chances are, your friend will not ask you for a home cooked meal. Make one and call or text her to ask her when you can drop it off. Take this opportunity to see her face-to-face and ask her how she is doing. If she has other children, put a sheet of stickers in with the meal you bring over. This serves many purposes (it shows you are thinking about her other children and it communicates that you understand there may be times when she will need her children to have something to do so she can have a few minutes to herself). Make sure you use disposable dishes. It takes the responsibility off of her to clean and return your items. 
 
4. Ask her what she needs
 
Just ask. She might be able to tell you that she needs someone to listen or she needs someone to cry with. She might ask you to pray for her. She might say she doesn’t know what she needs and that’s okay. Asking her shows that you are thinking about her.
 
5. Take her out for coffee
 
If she’s feeling up to it, ask her if you can take her out for a little bit. Buy her a cup of tea or offer to go to her house with coffee and tea if she doesn’t feel like getting out. 
 
Watching a friend go through a miscarriage is really difficult. It’s hard to know what to say and what not to say. The statistic that 1 out of every 4 women miscarries is heartbreaking and proves that there are friends all around us who have gone through this. Maybe even yourself. Use these ideas to help a friend who may not know how to help herself or pass this list on to someone you know who could use it. 
 
Meagan Ruffing is a freelance parenting writer and speaker on all things mom-related. She wrote this article after hearing about another friend who had lost her baby and wanted to let others know what they can do to help. Follow her on social media and check out more of her work at www.meaganruffing.com
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october, 2020

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