By Lauren Galley
Today Lauren pens her thoughts on “Absent Parent,” which appears in the June 2013 issue of HFM.
I’ve met lots of teens whose fathers aren’t present in their lives. It happens for numerous reasons, but I have noted they all have one aspect of their lives in common: as long as their mother was extremely present, supportive, and willing to play both the father and mother figure in regards to a support system, then the child was happy.
I had a good friend whose father was absent from birth, and he felt no feeling of absence in his heart. The boy’s mother provided him with a great life; he had no desire to seek out a father figure, as nothing was necessarily “missing” for him. However, I did not know him as a child. It’s possible he suffered early on from this loss. Clearly, his mother did a great job of explaining to him the reason why he does not have a father in his life, and she acted as both parents as much as possible.
In a circumstance where a teen’s father is absent it is important to understand the teen’s feelings. Ranting about an absent father not only brings added negativity into the teen’s world, it also makes the child feel responsible for the situation.
My friends and I agree that a home fueled by open communication and a positive attitude makes for a more stress-free childhood and a positive outlook on life. Even with all the talk, some kids find it hard to accept that the situation is not their fault. Parents should not be afraid to consider therapy when they feel they’re unable to fully guide their kids through troubling emotions—especially those that can affect them later in life . Children should not grow up feeling like getting married or having a child are bad things.
Daddy is not determined as the man who help makes the child, but more precisely the man who holds out his hands and time to help with raising a child, and his compassion to love the child through any situations! Fatherhood comes from the essence of a man’s soul, and it’s an important part of who a child grows up to be. As such, where, possible, Dad’s “presence” should be encouraged and facilitated by the remaining parent, provided this involvement does not pose a threat to the child.
Any fool can make a baby. It takes a man to be a father.