By: Lexi Walters Wright
Ideally, New Year’s resolutions teach kids how to set and work steadily toward goals. That can be especially valuable for those who have learning and attention issues. But your child may need some help creating meaningful goals she’ll be able to stick with.
Creating a New Year’s Goal
Help your child craft a sustainable plan by following the same SMART guidelines https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/special-services/ieps/setting-annual-iep-goals-what-you-need-to-know you would use for an IEP goal:
Make sure it’s:
- Specific: The resolution should include your child’s goal, the skill she’s working on and how she’ll achieve it: “To become a better trumpet player by our May concert, I’ll practice 30 minutes a day.”
- Measurable: She should track her progress—on a chart or in regular check-ins with you.
- Attainable: The goal should be ambitious but realistic—something that will stretch your child’s skills but not overwhelm her.
- Results-oriented: The resolution should explain what she’ll be able to do once she reaches her goal. For example: “Studying with a tutor twice a week will help me consistently get As in math.”
- Time-bound: Your child’s resolution should specify a reasonable time frame and can include mini-goals along the way (mini-successes can be very motivating).
And another big must:
- Relevance: Your child has to want to set and reach this goal! She should feel eager and committed.
What a Good Resolution Looks Like
Your child’s specific goals will depend on her challenges, abilities and interests. Here are a few examples of how you might help her refine her ideas.
Social Skills Resolution
Beginning idea: “I’ll be the most popular kid in my class.”
Resolution: “This year, I’ll make more friends. Twice a month, I’ll invite someone over from school or Scouts.”
Beginning idea: “I’m going to get all As this year.”
Resolution: “In January, I’ll get a B or better on every science quiz by studying at least 45 minutes for each one and asking my teacher for advice on studying.”
Beginning idea: “I’ll start running and make the varsity track team this spring.”
Resolution: “To learn to run, I’ll download a training app. Then I’ll practice for a Valentine’s Day 5K. If I like it, I’ll find a 10K over summer break.”
Working Toward a New Year’s Goal
As your child works on achieving his resolution, she’ll also be building important skills like:
- Self-reflection: “How do I want to improve this year?”
- Self-advocacy: “What do I need to do to help me reach my goal?”
- Self-awareness: “Am I making progress toward my goal?”
- Problem-solving and self-control: “What can I do to get back on track?”
- Self-esteem: “How does achieving my goal make me feel?”
Encourage her to step back and ask herself questions like these—or even discuss the answers with you—along the way. They’ll help her stay on track and get more out of the experience.
Helping Your Child Stick With It
However good her intentions—and her plan—your child may sometimes have trouble persevering. These tips can help you help her:
- If your child agrees, consider joining her. You’ll make each other more accountable. “I’m also looking to exercise more this year. How about we swim together at the Y every Saturday morning?”
- Don’t nag. In addition to the regular progress checks you’ve built in, ask questions and offer reminders—but in ways your child can accept. Some kids might respond well to: “I know you wanted to have someone over twice a month. Has that happened yet for February?” Others might do better with, “We don’t have any plans this weekend, if you want to have a teammate over.”
- Share your own experiences. Be honest about what did and didn’t help you with your New Year’s resolutions. “I’m so glad I joined the library book club last year. It really helped me reach my daily page goal.”
- Make it meaningful. Let your child work hard at her resolution. If she doesn’t achieve it, you can help make sure that her struggle is motivating, not paralyzing. Talk through how things went off-track and what she might do differently next time.
Explore https://www.understood.org/en/tools/parenting-coach for more ideas on how to help your child stick with it and not give up.
About the Author
Lexi Walters Wright is the Community Manager at Understood (u.org/community). As a writer and editor, she helps parents make more informed choices for their children and for themselves.
Donna Volpitta, Ed.D., is coauthor of The Resilience Formula: A Guide to Proactive, Not Reactive, Parenting.
This article has been reprinted with permission, © Understood.org