Kids need a good night’s sleep to make it through the long school day ahead of them.
Unfortunately, nightmares are more common than most people realize. About one-quarter of kids have at least one nightmare a week, and roughly about 70 % of kids experience one occasionally.
To make matters worse, many kids spend the entire next day worrying about the scary dreams they had the night before. The good news is that there are many things parents can do to help their kids better cope with nightmares. Here’s what the experts suggest.
Stay in their room for a while
When your kids have a nightmare, the first thing you want to do is to stay in their room for a while to help calm them down. Don’t bring them into your bedroom, as many parents are tempted to do.
“When you take the child out of their room and let them sleep with you,” says child psychologist Dr. Catrina Litzenburg, “it can reinforce the idea in their mind that their room somehow isn’t safe.” If they come into your bedroom and insist that they want to sleep there, calmly bring them back to their own room, says clinical psychologist and sleep science researcher Dr. Michael Gradisar.
… and stay calm
You also want to control your emotions and stay as calm as possible. “It’s important to avoid mirroring our children’s anxieties back at them,” says child psychologist Dr. Gwen Dewar, “or otherwise act upset.”
If you’re upset, your kids will get the wrong message: “Mom is emotional, too. So I must be right about my fear. The threat is real!”
Reassure them
Reassure your kids that it was just a nightmare and it’s over now.
Jean Holthaus, a licensed social worker with expertise in kids, suggests that parents say something like “I know you had a bad dream, but now you’re awake and everything is okay. I’m here.”
Ms. Holthaus also suggests that parents help their kids go back to sleep by turning on some soft music or giving them a favorite stuffed animal to hug. You can also remind them of happy memories to think about or tell them about the wonderful dreams they might have as they go back to sleep.
Back or belly rub
If your kids are visibly shaken by a nightmare, “offer a comforting back or belly rub and speak to them in a soft, gentle voice,” says Ms. Bassett. “If a gentle touch and comforting words don’t do the trick,” she says, “it’s OK to pick your child up and spend some time rocking and singing with them until they relax.”
Create new and happy endings
Sometimes, kids continue with the same nightmare after they’ve gone back to sleep. You can prevent that from happening by helping them change the story (or script), especially the ending.
“For example,” says Dr. Gradisar, “your child may consistently dream that a scary dinosaur comes to the park. If your child likes something like superheroes, help him to construct a different ending to his dream so that he turns into a superhero and protects everyone in the park from the scary dinosaur!”
Create self-soothing images
You can also help your kids better cope with nightmares by making up peaceful stories about a happy place before they go to sleep at night. These stories, says psychotherapist Annie Armstrong Miyao, “will be the ones you consistently offer up to your child to focus on when they wake up restless from a bad dream.”
After you settle on a story, talk them through the image of that happy place. Ask them what they see, hear, and feel. Also ask them to draw pictures of it and put those drawings by their bed, and come up with songs that they can sing when they wake up from a nightmare.
“The more they connect to that place,” says Ms. Miyao, the deeper those neurological and somatic pathways will become, providing easier access to a feeling of safety.”
