Happy and Successful Kids Lifeskill 1: Focus and Self Control
Lifeskills must be modeled and taught. While some children seem to learn them more easily than others, they don’t just “happen.” Children who learn them are better adjusted and more successful in all areas of life, but especially in a learning setting. Our world is filled with distractions and information overload. To engage in learning, children must be able to intentionally focus attention, screen out noise and other distractions, pay attention at the right times and remember rules and directions. That’s a lot to expect.
There are four main components to Focus and Self control: •
- Focus: the ability to remain alert, direct attention, concentrate on a goal, break the problem down into steps and keep moving toward the goal.
- Cognitive Flexibility: The ability to switch attention from one situation to another. For example being able to see another person’s perspective or trying a different solution when the first one doesn’t work. This skill is necessary to learn new information.
- Working Memory: The ability to hold information in our minds while updating it. This skill is necessary in problem solving, when prioritizing tasks, doing mental arithmetic, following the plot of a story and in organizing materials to complete a task.
- Inhibitory Control: The ability to resist doing something and choosing to something more appropriate. We see this when children ignore distractions to focus on a task, when they persevere in difficulty and when refraining from acting out verbally or physically. It involves control of attention, emotions and behavior.
How to Promote Focus and Self Control
- Play guessing games such “I’m thinking of an animal… or I spy…
- Do all kinds of puzzles that require concentration.
- Play games such as Red Light, Green Light that require careful listening and response.
- Play games such as musical chairs that require children to keep responding to a changing situation.
- Read aloud to children and ask them to fill in a word, repeat something or predict what might happen next.
- Play sorting games with cards or pictures. Challenge the child to sort in another way to build flexibility. For example sort first by color and then by shape.
- Promote creativity and imaginative play. This requires “making a plan” and then following that plan such as “Let’s build a fort.”
- Teach basic manners that require the child to inhibit a tendency to interrupt, hit, say something hurtful, etc.
In all the above activities it’s important to remain positive. Focusing and paying attention is hard work. Give plenty of room for varying learning styles and unique personalities.
Happy and Successful Kids Lifeskill 2: Perspective Taking
Last week we learned that lifeskills must be intentionally taught. Sometimes these lifeskills are called executive function skills. We’re teaching children to take charge of their own behaviors and attitudes.
Good news for parents! There are simple everyday activities to add to daily routines that will build these important skills. This week’s skill is Perspective Taking.
Perspective taking is more than empathy—feeling sorry for another person. It’s also about figuring out how others think and feel. Children learn to understand the intent of others actions and this often avoids conflict.
All of us prefer to spend time with people who are tuned in to our point of view. We tend to avoid those who are critical or highly competitive. We want to be with those who understand us. Children who can go beyond their own needs and care about the needs and problems of others will be more successful in both learning and building friendships. This is called “understanding the other.”
How to Promote Perspective Taking
- Ask leading questions such as “What could that person be thinking? Feeling?”
- Practice problem-solving in steps. What is the problem? What do we want? What can we do? And did we succeed? You might want to make a simple chart to use when walking through a real-life conflict.
- Model language that leads to a resolution, not more conflict. For example you might say, “You’re upset. Maybe you need some quiet time.”
- Listen to your child’s ideas and reassure them of unconditional love.
- Use everyday experiences to talk about other people’s perspectives. “What is that character thinking?” “How does it feel when a friend takes your toy?”
- Encourage pretend play. Acting out various character’s words and actions is a healthy way to explore other perspectives.
- When you observe conflicts take the opportunity to talk about the problem. “Why do you think Jimmy got angry with his friend?” “What else could he have done?”
Perspective taking helps children make sense of their world. It helps them understand other people’s thoughts and behaviors and to predict what might happen in a given situation. Children who learn this skill adjust better in both learning and social situations.
Happy and Successful Kids Lifeskill 3: Communication Skills
This one is obvious. Communication is a key skill for “kids of all ages.” But communicating is more than just understanding speech and being able to read and write. It’s a broader term that includes the skills of determining our intended message, and then knowing how to convey it. It’s a crucial skill in all social and work environments and is sometimes lacking in our highly technical world. Pre-school and other learning environments are great places to work on communication skills. Children learn to listen, respond, speak their mind and begin to write their ideas on paper. Communication is about understanding, not drill and practice. It’s much better for a child to write a pretend sentence with a few correct sounds or letters than to copy a perfect sentence. Meaning is the heart of communication.
How to Promote Communication Skills
- Build a literate home. Reading, writing and speaking skills should be a normal part of everyday family life.
- Read aloud to children daily
- Encourage children to talk about their ideas. Ask questions and reply with words to enrich their vocabularies.
- Go to the library, buy books as gifts, encourage a love of language and literature.
- Talk with your children—a lot. Talk about what you’re seeing and doing. Elaborate on the words your child says. If they say “car.” You say, “You see a car. What color is the car?”
- Play games with your child beginning with peekaboo and pat a cake and progressing to rhyming games, guessing words that begin with a certain letter, clapping syllables, and reciting tongue twisters.
- Encourage storytelling activities. “Tell me the story of Goldilocks.” Or “Can you make up a story about a teddy bear?”
- Encourage writing. Keep a supply of paper, envelopes, stickers, crayons, markers, pencils…anything to foster writing skills. Soon squiggles will become pictures which will then become words and illustrations.
- Choose books that reflect your child’s current interests. Encourage discussion about the topic.
- Language development is the heart of communicating clearly. It’s a process that begins with baby’s first smile and grows over time until we’re able to share our deepest thoughts and dreams.
