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Engaging our Kids Outside the HomeĀ 

Summer is greeting us with her cheerful grin, but parents who couldnā€™t come up for the air needed to plan for her grand entrance are not doing a happy dance. It looms instead like an epic black hole, begging for definition. Camp registration deadlines came and went a long time ago, but maybe, your kids arenā€™t keen on camp, anyway. You donā€™t want summer to be a choreĀ for you or your kids. So, whatā€™s a good parent to do?

There are plenty of life-changing ways to occupy your children over the summer besides sending them to camp and, ample evidence that these experiences are deeply formative. In my case, an older friend needed help weeding her flower garden and asked if my 12-yr-old daughter (who wasnā€™t a camp-loving girl) wanted to earn some cash. In fact, she did, and though it was a hot, humid undertaking, my daughter was glad she said yes. Weeding side-by-side, the two bonded over their love of fiction and started their own book club, reading ā€œThe Wheel On the Schoolā€, ā€œRuby Hollerā€ and ā€œNumber the Starsā€. My daughter grew from that summer, on her knees beside my dear old friend, picking weeds and talking books. Ā 

What is monumental in the lives of our kids is often the stuff that lies outside the home, periodā€”those situations in the non-shared environment, which build the strong life-altering moments affecting our kidsā€™ futures. Itā€™s hard to swallow, isnā€™t it? While the steady environment of the home isnā€™t to be diminished, the experiences outside the home ā€”camp, service-programs, sleepovers, church trips, part-time jobs, babysitting, volunteer work, walking the neighborā€™s dogā€”offer disproportionate benefits for kids.Ā 

In the International Journal of Epidemiology article, Why are children in the same family so different from one another? researchers explain that it is precisely experiences away from home and immediate family that distinguish a child from siblings. The ā€œenvironmental varianceā€ is the framework for the magical making of a unique person. Licensed counselor and founder of Bright Future Consulting, Dr. Beth Dennard said that spending a summer at her auntā€™s farm in Florida was one formative non-shared experience she benefitted greatly from as a child. Dennard, who is fascinated by adolescent development and serves Houston families from three consulting locations, says aloud what parents are feeling: ā€œNon-shared environments are tough on parents and kids, but they are necessary for students to individuate and become adults.ā€ Tough is universally appreciated, but perhaps the necessary is worth revisiting. Ā 

Dr. Laura Markham of AhaParenting.com says if thereā€™s one word which sums up the rewards of these cumulative non-shared experiences itā€™s confidence. ā€œI think kids discover new capabilities when they are in new environments that ask them to engage in new ways and gain confidence from those experiences,ā€ Markham says, author of the newly released, ā€œPeaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbookā€. Exposure to experiences sans immediate family is critical for development. ā€œDuring adolescence, there is a shift from focusing the majority of a childā€™s attention on parents and home to focusing on peers and life outside the home,ā€ explains Dennard. Ā 

Itā€™s one thing to accept in theory, but in practice, this can be a terrifying transition for parents. ā€œMore learning occurs when human beings stretch, not when theyā€™re cozy,ā€ Dennard says. She points out that an easy example of this is when teens start driving. Once a teen passes their driverā€™s test, they occupy a non-shared environment. Dennard continues, ā€œMany Houston parents freak out when they even think about their kids driving; Houston traffic is so bad and the risks so high, but driving independently is a step toward adulthood. In real life, there are seat belts and air bags for safety but each adult person must accept the responsibility and assume the risks to drive and ultimately they do the same as they leave home to live independently.ā€Ā 

The potential for our blossoming childā€™s view of the world to expand and take shape under the watchful eyes of trusted adults is another compelling reason to get our kids engaged outside our homes. ā€œAs an educational consultant, Iā€™m one of those trusted adults and I take my mentoring role seriously,ā€ remarks Dennard who daily works with middle-school and high school students. Markham says that having someone outside the family depend on them helps a young person see himself in a new light. ā€œOften, kids discover that theyā€™re good at something they hadnā€™t seen as valuable, or find deep emotional rewards in a connection they would never have made otherwise. At the very least, they learn something about how the world works outside their home.ā€Ā 

To parents who failed to meet camp deadlines, canā€™t afford typical structured summer programming or whose child rebels against all of the above, Markham confirms that there are endless other avenues to enrich kids over the summer to help them ā€œbecome more independent, capable and responsibleā€. By welcoming opportunities for our young people to expand out of our eyeshot, we help them sort out their identity. Discover and strengthen their personhood. In short, we help them on their journey toward happy, well-adjusted adulthood.Ā 

Kathryn Streeter writes for Houston Family Magazine. Find her on Twitter, @streeterkathryn.Ā 

Editor’s note: last edit July, 2022


Connect with the Experts

 

Dr. Beth Dennard, Bright Futures Consulting
BrightFuturesLLC.com

Houston:

4010 Blue Bonnet Blvd. Suite 109
Houston, TX 77025

Clear Lake:

1350 NASA Parkway, Suite 120
Houston, TX 77058

Email: info@brightfuturesllc.com
Phone: 281.486.0023

 

Dr. Laura Markham
AhaParenting.com

  • Newly released, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook
  • Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Online Course
  • Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
  • Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings

Twitter: @DrLauraMarkham

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